Seeing the Bigger Picture

by Joseph Stoutzenberger

I attended two funerals recently. One funeral was a Mass in a large, very traditional-looking Catholic church. The person who died had recently transitioned from being a man to being a woman. Two priests, friends of the deceased, presided at the Mass; and both spoke during the service. They both referred to their friend as “she” even though they had known her as a man for many years. I was surprised that they did not refer to her sex change or said that she was a “troubled soul” in search of her true identity. Instead, they talked about how generous she always had been, how she was always there to help others, and how she had been marked as a child of God in baptism. At the luncheon after the Mass, a man said to me, “You know, the Catholic Church does not approve of transgender people.” I wanted to say but didn’t: Were you at the same liturgy I was? The woman had a funeral in a Catholic church that would have been at home in the eighteenth century. There was a Mass presided over by not one but two priests. It included traditional Catholic hymns and a blessing over the ashes with incense. Wasn’t this “the church” recognizing the deceased as a child of God, beloved of Jesus, and a member of the church by virtue of baptism?

The other funeral service I attended took place on the patio of a country club. I knew the man who had died as a generous person who was very active in many civic organizations. The service consisted of listening to a few popular songs, a poem, and reminiscences by family and friends. No mention was ever made of God or anything directly spiritual, even though the man had attended Catholic schools through college and had identified as Catholic earlier in life. This funeral was actually the second I attended in the past few years that took place at a country club. In both cases, the setting was beautiful, looking out on a golf course. Reminiscences shared about the deceased were touching. But I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing.

Every human life is part of a bigger picture. As theologian Thomas Berry said, “We can feel alienated, but we can never be alienated.” Both funerals I attended recognized the impact that the person had on the many people they had encountered throughout their lifetime. Both people had touched a multitude of others either directly or indirectly. They were part of the great drama being played out in the human story and, even more broadly, in the creation story. Christianity is not alone among religions in placing each person’s story in communion with a universal story. Christianity explicitly celebrates that physical death is not the end of a person’s story. I found that both funerals I attended actually gave recognition to that. During the Catholic funeral liturgy, the priest kept mentioning that his friend who had died had joined the communion of saints in heaven. That imagery, used frequently in Catholicism, recognizes that, even when people die, they remain part of the bigger picture that we are all part of. I sensed that the country-club funeral was also giving voice to the same message without explicitly saying so. Why else commemorate the person’s legacy at all?

I have a photograph of a friend of mine who had died some years ago on a bookshelf by my desk. Whenever I see it, I sense his presence. His laughter and his love were infectious and still are. The Christian story provides language and imagery that helps me make sense of that ongoing presence. A person’s death should be a time of prayer, not just words. (Isn’t that true for births and weddings and other milestones as well?) The Catholic liturgy is not just a remembrance of a person; it is also a giving thanks to God for all that the person has been. Eucharist means “giving thanks.” For Catholics, a eucharistic liturgy is the rightful and meaningful way to give thanks to God and the person who has gone home to God. Admittedly, I have been to Catholic funeral Masses that were less touching than services that took place apart from a religious setting. However, when done well, the hymns, the readings, the homilies, and the overall God-centered context of a Catholic funeral service helps us see the person as part of a great mosaic created over time and for all time. It is an opportunity for mourning, prayer, thanksgiving, and hope for the deceased and us all.